I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
