Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
