when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
