she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
her vagine was all disorganized.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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