What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize