I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
