I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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