I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
