The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Randomize
