oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
