he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Your topless pictures make me question reality
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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