You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
