It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
