The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
