The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
