Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Holy shit dude........stairs
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
