I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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