how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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