I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Never joke about your clitoris.
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