think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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