I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
