Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
