Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Who died my cat blue again?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
