my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Randomize
