How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
God gave him joint rollers for hands
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
