for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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