My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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