Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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