Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
