I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
