why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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