i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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