just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
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