How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
