If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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