But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Randomize
