Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
