I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
