Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
