Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Two words: blizzard sex
Randomize
