my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
