It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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