Too much gin, very little bucket
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
