8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
