Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
