my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
