My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
