hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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