I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
