That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
